and it's almost 2am and i'm still up because i'm so pathetic.
i'm listening to more take that, and i just.
i want to say a few things that i want to remember.
firstly, the last song i listened to in 2008 was "how deep is your love" - take that.
my first song of 2009 was "never forget" - take that.
do you know why i chose it?
a) it's an amazing song that deserves to be played at such a time anyway.
b) i never want to forget 2008.
c) i never want to forget that song, or the fact that if was the first song of 2009.
d) it's take that.
e) because of the lyrics.
"been on this path of life for so long."
well, twelve years. almost thirteen. that's actually quite a long time, even though i'm really young. and it's my lifetime, isn't it?
"feel i've walked a thousand miles."
i do. i know it's a metaphor. but i do feel like this metaphor is true. i do feel like i've come a long way in life.
"sometimes strolled hand in hand with love. everybody's been there."
gorgeous. <3 i mean, i'm not that truthful on the actual line, but seriously? do you have to be?
"just then, i realised what a fool i could be."
yes. just, yes. no other word. YES.
"never forget where you've come here from."
i will never forget my mcr phase. i mean, that was an important time in my life. a stupid time, but it's made me who i am today. and i love it.
"never pretend that it's all real."
because i know what's real, and i know what's not. i know.
"someday, soon this will all be someone else's dream."
because where they are? that's my dream. that's where i want to be. that's my goal in life. to be successful, and to be a musician.
"safe from the arms of disappointment for so long."
i wish i could be. that's just...perfect.
gary, that line is fucking perfect.
and f) it's a fucking amazing song anyway.
Letter to my future self:
Hello. This is the person who you were at the start of 2009.
Please, at the start of 2010, read this. And answer all of the questions that this person is now asking you.
What are you like now?
Are you still a person who only has a couple of friends, but still loves life?
Do you love life right now?
Do you still love Top Gear?
Do you still love Richard, James, Jeremy?
Do you still love Take That?
Do you still love Jay, Mark, Howard?
Are you still a bit iffy about Gary?
Do you still love Mr Barrowman?
Do you still love McFly?
Do you still love Tom, Danny, Harry, Dougie?
Who is your idol now?
Do you like My Chemical Romance again?
Do you like Panic At The Disco again?
Do you still like Cobra Starship?
Do you still like Fall Out Boy, and all of those other bands?
Do you still love Will Young?
Do you still love Michael Buble?
Do you still love Jez/Will?
Do you still love slash, for that matter?
Do you still love fic, even?
Do you still write?
Do you still write without capitals on the internet?
Are you still a loser?
Are you still single?
Have you lost weight?
Do you look better, prettier?
Did you do anything "stupid"?
Are you doing well in school?
Are you getting good grades?
Have they slipped?
Are you still friends with Amy?
Have you still got your Top Gear Crew/Totties?
Are you still James?
Is Beth still Richard?
Is Dan still Jeremy?
Is Tom still Stiggy?
Can you stand reading this?
Are there any questions you can't answer?
Do you ever think about THAT?
Do you ever think about the crash?
How was your thirteenth?
Were you that excited?
Was anyone not there that you wanted there?
How much stuff did you get that you didn't want?
Did you ever get that Will Young CD?
Did you ever get the Britannia High soundtrack?
Did you ever get the Britannia High DVDs?
Has anyone died that was important to you?
Can you tell me anything else about the new you that I haven't mentioned?
Do you still watch Dave all the time?
Have you even changed that much?
...are you dead?
Have you given up?
-love (or hate),
rachel. the twelve year old rachel.
the person you used to be.
"a little girl who just wants to be loved".
PS - Did you get love?
Is that stlll how you describe yourself?
Music: babe - take that